I Confess...

I have to let you in on a secret--God makes me laugh. Especially when He's dealing with me.

No sooner had I written my last post, "A Beautiful Life" than we had a pretty good financial crisis. Or we are now having one anyway. It got me really frustrated. And annoyed. I had my time to panic and then be angry. I started to ask the why's and how's. Why are we destined to wander this wilderness again, and how are things going to work out this time. For 24 hours I had a good pity party. How quickly I went from "thanks for the beautiful life" to "seriously could this be easier please?"

The next morning I spent quietly talking to the Lord (or as best as I could with a four-year-old and a newborn!) and He seemed to say, "Valerie, chill out! We've done this before. Trust me." And I'm sure He then said to Himself, "Valerie, you schmuck!" Believe! Trust! Why are these things so naturally hard for me? Unless things are going well, I am a natural panic-er.

Then, to really put the sting in conviction, it just so happend that that day and the days to come on Facebook, several friends "status updates" revealed much bigger pains than mine. Two friends from high school are battling cancer, two friends from work had lost beloved friends unexpectedly, and our friends from church are still trying to recover from a freak accident that has left the husband in the hospital for over a month. Saying "well at least we have our health" has never felt more true.

So I just felt compelled to confess all this here to all the world, or at least the three people who read my blog. :o) I confess that I am self-centered and a natural worrier. I confess that I can go from "A Beautiful Life" to "Holy Crap" in less than 24-hours. I confess that without Jesus I am a total mess.

And, if you are reading my blog, feel free to keep me accountable to my resolve to believe and trust when I start to whine. (Come on, we all know I will!) :o)